Loss is never easy.
Whether it’s the physical loss of a loved one, emotional trauma, chronic pain or mental health battles, grief visits us all in one form or another. It crashes over us in waves—sometimes as soft whispers, and other times as full-force hurricanes. As I write this, I reflect on the passing of my Grandma, and the funeral I recently attended. It’s one of the most emotionally challenging experiences I’ve ever faced. But it’s also reminded me of a technique I use often in my mental health practice—one I had to call upon myself that very morning.
At the Revitalize Clinic in Gravesend, where we support clients through physical and emotional recovery, I’ve helped many people through health anxiety, depression, PTSD and chronic pain using a range of techniques. One approach that has helped me—and my patients—is based in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Let me share how it helped me speak at my Grandma’s funeral—and how it might help you, too.
The Voice We Don’t Want to Hear
Grief has a peculiar way of making us want to pretend. That morning, as I prepared to stand in front of my family and speak next to my Grandma’s coffin, I felt an overwhelming pull to avoid. To imagine she was still alive, somewhere. That I just hadn’t seen her in a while. The truth—that she was gone—was too much.
This is what we often see at the Revitalize Clinic as counsellors, Osteopaths, and Personal Trainers—the desire to run from what hurts. Whether it’s a patient paralysed by the idea of re-injuring themselves, someone avoiding exercise because of old memories of failure, or someone who can’t face the truth of a painful diagnosis—our mind’s resistanceoften becomes a bigger barrier than the pain itself.
The voice says:
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“You can’t face this.”
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“It’s too painful.”
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“Just pretend it isn’t happening.”
Naming the Voice
One of the most transformative techniques I’ve been using—and had to use myself—is something deceptively simple: naming the voice.
I encourage clients to give the inner critic a silly name. Something that robs it of power. Maybe it’s Grumpy Gary, or Naggy, or Sabotage Steve. On the morning of my Grandma’s funeral, that voice in me was screaming, “Don’t go. Don’t speak. Don’t do this.”
But instead of fighting it or trying to push it down, I welcomed it.
“I hear you,” I told it. “You can sit beside me. I’ll take you with me. But I’m still going to speak.”
This small shift changes everything.
ACT: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Practice
ACT teaches us to observe, accept, and create space between ourselves and our thoughts. Unlike other models that seek to change thoughts directly, ACT invites us to say, “There you are again,” rather than, “Go away.”
At Revitalize Clinic, our mental health team use ACT to help clients who struggle with:
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Health Anxiety
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Generalised Anxiety
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Depression
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PTSD
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Chronic Pain
These voices show up not only in grief but in injury, fear of relapse, fear of failure, or thoughts of unworthiness.
Making Peace with the Inner Critic
So what does this look like in practice? Here’s the five-step process I guide patients through:
1. Spot the Voice
What’s the recurring thought that haunts you?
“I’ll never get better.”
“This pain means something serious.”
“Everyone thinks I’m weak.”
2. Give it a Name
Call it something playful or cartoonish. This helps you separate it from your identity.
3. Give it a Voice
Maybe it sounds like a nagging parent or a dramatic soap opera character. The sillier, the better. It chips away at its intimidation.
4. Pull Up a Chair
Welcome it. Let it sit beside you. “I see you. You can be here. But you’re not driving today.”
5. Go Towards Your Values
Now, take action that aligns with your deeper values. In my case, I value family, honour, and integrity. That meant giving a speech at my Grandma’s funeral. Not for the absence of pain—but in spite of it.
Applying This to Physical Pain
Interestingly, this exact same technique helps people suffering from chronic physical pain.
Many of our patients at the Revitalize Clinic struggle with persistent back pain, joint discomfort, or post-surgical recovery. The inner critic shows up there, too:
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“This is never going away.”
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“You’re broken.”
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“You’ll make it worse.”
These thoughts stop patients from moving, exercising, and healing. But once we help them observe rather than obey, healing begins.
Our Osteopaths, Personal Trainers and counsellors in Gravesend work collaboratively to guide patients through this exact transformation.
Your Mind is a Guest House
The Persian poet Rumi wrote a beautiful poem called The Guest House. In it, he compares the mind to a house with many visitors—joy, sadness, meanness, shame—and encourages us to welcome them all.
“Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.”
ACT is this poem in practice.
Grief visited me on the morning of my Grandma’s funeral. But instead of locking it out, I opened the door. Sat it down. And then I stood up, with it in the room, and spoke from my heart.
You can do the same—whether you’re facing trauma, health anxiety, or physical pain. That voice isn’t going away. But it doesn’t have to be in charge.
Why We Do What We Do at Revitalize Clinic
At the Revitalize Clinic, we’ve helped over 10,000 people recover—not just from physical injury, but from the emotional injuries that often accompany it. Our integrated team in Gravesend includes:
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Osteopaths, for treating musculoskeletal pain
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Personal Trainers, to rebuild strength and confidence
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Counsellors, who support mental and emotional healing
We’ve seen how ACT transforms not just thoughts—but lives.
Final Thoughts: What You Can Try Today
You don’t need to be a therapist to start this work. Here’s a simple guide:
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Notice the thought: “I can’t cope,” “This pain will never end.”
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Name the voice: Call it something playful.
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Imagine its voice: Shrink its impact.
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Sit beside it: Welcome, don’t fight.
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Choose action: Align with your deeper values.
Healing isn’t the absence of discomfort. It’s learning to move forward with it.
We’re Here for You
If this technique resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Whether you’re grieving, anxious, or stuck in a cycle of pain—we’re here to help.
📞 Call us: 01474 356 284
📧 Email: info@revitalizeclinic.co.uk
🌐 Book Online: www.revitalizeclinic.co.uk
Visit our blog to read more and watch the accompanying video where I talk through this experience and how you can use ACT in your own healing:
👉 www.revitalizeclinic.co.uk/blog
About the Author
Elliott Reid is the Founder of the Revitalize Clinic in Gravesend, where he leads a multidisciplinary team helping over 10,000 people become mentally well, physically fit and pain-free. With a background in Osteopathy, fitness and psychotherapy, Elliott also serves as Vice President of the Institute of Osteopathy, working to advance public understanding and professional standards in healthcare.
Elliott is registered with and regulated by the General Osteopathic Council